i exercise
i eat in a fairly good way
i do what needs to be done
i drive to work or work at home
i try to pray
i try to write to talk to live
every morning
i take those two capsules
hoping
wishing
wanting
waiting
nothing
still the monster digs in deeper into my soul
it wraps tendrils between my toes to trip up laughter and smiles
it forces stems into my chest, budding up flowers of heartache, the blossoms as blood-red as my cuts
it slithers vines up my spine to coil despair tightly around my throat
it gorges on sorrow to sprout new leaves of misery
it drinks in tears to thicken its branches with rage
it splices on words of defeat
it cultivates self hate and fertilizes with self doubt
every night it taunts me
mocking
chiding
jeering
ridiculing
growing stronger as it feeds
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